my bestfriends diary

It has been two months since my last updated post and now, here I am again expressing my inner thoughts through this blog. I wanted to seized this opportunity to make myself heard for I am desperately in need of someone {whoever you are} to listen to my woes likewise to understand me to the best that you can.

To be perfectly honest, I’m not okay! I’m hurting. My heart is bleeding, my soul is bruised..I’m emotionally ill, pls help…

I felt confused, so anxious and helpless...a feeling of self-pity has poured all over me and if entertain may capable of drowning a person to the pit of his frustration, just like me. I’m hiding my sadness so as not to worry those who loved and care about me. Showing them a fake smile so that they can see that I’m doing okay but the truth is I’m not. Pretending a happiness I don’t feel makes me go ‘gaga’. I wanted to let this out but I would gradually break down if I do so. Recently, I had a long conversation with myself and as expected I shivered into tears, but that was such a relief. I was alone in my room that time but I knew deep inside me that HE was there. I can’t see Him but He was there. Perhaps, if He’s physically present that time, I would have thrown myself into His arms.What I need most that instant is a HUG, a shoulder to cry on, and a warm embrace of someone who understands. I talked to him while letting my tears flow. I surrendered myself, my frustration, my Life to HIM. I was about to give up but HE never let me. For all the highs and lows of my life, He has been there, guiding me all throughout my journey. He hated me to see in pain for HE was more hurt that I am. He continuously hugged me tightly, letting me realize that HE is within me, living inside my soul and giving light to my darkest times.

A giant leap of faith had crashed into my sorrowful soul. It taught me to laugh at my sufferings; reminded me that I still have my loved ones {family and friends} who are expecting me to emerge as a stronger person. As of this moment, I’m still dealing with my personal dilemma but I’m coping fine already. Whenever my state of mind goes ‘gaga’ again, I just throw it to HIM, after all, HE loves catching and crashing it for me. Though I’m still hurting and had a bleeding heart and a bruised soul, I know I’ll be able to cure this with the use of HIS medicine kit. And in HIS time, I WILL BE HEALED.